You Aren’t Boring I Just Suck At Conversations I’m Sorry: a novel by me
I’m Not Ignoring You I Just Don’t Know What To Say: a sequel by me
I Feel Like I have Nothing Interesting To Say So I Don’t Say Anything At All And I’m Really Sorry Don’t Stop Talking To Me: the trilogy.
replacing my heart with another liver so i can drink more and care less
Coping strategy for when you are trapped in conversations with obnoxious people:
1. Pick a spot nearby, around eye level, preferably a small object. That is now the camera.
2. When they say something you just cannot stand, look directly into the camera like you’re on The Office
3. Repeat as often as needed
people who complain about “getting too many asks”
people who get straight A’s and every test they say “im so gonna fail”
People who say their art sucks when its clearly amazing
Having a student who just can’t pass his fucking driver’s test
when i look at myself in the mirror i feel like one of those really detailed spongebob paintings
treat me like a college textbook. spend lots of money on me but never touch or look at me
no. treat me like your favorite book. keep me by your side, touch my every page, learn all my twists and turns, remember every word I say, even the ones that make you cry
*4-second-long fart noise*
You know how many times I’ve called my mom a bitch or a hoe in my life?
Not one goddamn time what the fuck is wrong with these kids